Back from Hiatus

So. It's been a month and a half.

It's not as though I haven't been eating - I just haven't really been cooking. The betrothed and I have been in the process of looking for and buying our first house, and it kind of took over our lives. What with working, going to yoga, packing up the old place and deep-cleaning, I haven't really touched a cooking utensil. I've missed it. You can only survive on frozen food for so long, and I can only afford so many meals out on the town.

It's weird and a bit frustrating to discover how out of touch you can become with the things you love, when you let your day-to-day life get in the way. Laziness being my primary vice, for the past few weeks I've tended to get off work in the afternoon and simply sit my butt down on the couch or in front of the computer and surf my time away. Mind you, I spend every minute of my work day on my feet, and I don't really get a break, but that doesn't justify the near-apathy that I've been exhibiting for the past few weeks. I didn't go to yoga as often as I could have, so my body felt stale; I didn't really cook, and I definitely didn't write, so my creative mind felt old and useless, as well. Now that we're moved in to the new place, and somewhat unpacked, I feel like life can return to its normal routine.

One of the few things I accomplished in the kitchen during that time was a great alfredo sauce. One night about three weeks ago I was feeling depressed and listless, and Brian (being ever the practical one to pull me out of my mood swings) suggested that we make something for dinner. We happened to be at the grocery store because my bank has a branch there, and I suggested pasta. I wanted a white sauce, and in my negative mood my confidence in my cooking ability was absolutely zilch, so I stated that we would just have to buy a jar of sauce. Brian would have none of this; so, with my handy-dandy iPhone, I found an alfredo recipe online. We got the ingredients, which were few and simple, and went home. The sauce turned out great, but the really good thing about it was how much better I felt as a product of the act of cooking. When I come back to cooking after being away from it for awhile, I'm always reminded of how happy it makes me - and I always ask myself why I don't do it every single night.

As I've said, one of my biggest personality flaws is a tendency to be lazy. Now, this laziness does not carry over to my work - I get a really nice high when I know that I'm working my hardest and being productive. I think that's why I'm thriving in the kitchen atmosphere, because it's fast-paced and there is always something to be done - not to mention that the people are fun, funny, and crazy in some small (or big) way. It's a great feeling to work hard with people who do the same. What I need to do is figure out a way to carry that enthusiasm over into my home life after I leave work. I allow myself to wallow in the fatigue that comes over me on the drive home, and when that happens, I stay away from the kitchen in my house. Which is bad, because I have a fantastic kitchen in the new place! It's beautiful and huge, with shiny stainless steel appliances just begging to be used!

Part of the problem is that my laziness is quite often borne of my lack of self-confidence. I get lazy about cooking because I'm afraid I won't be able to conquer a complex recipe, or I allow myself to be intimidated by the process of buying all the necessary ingredients (although I don't know why this happens, I'm just weird, I suppose), and I just end up making the same three dishes over and over again. This blog is intended to prevent that kind of stasis. I created it to help myself work past the innate fear of failure, to make my natural love of cooking into something more personally productive. I also just want to share some great recipes, but I'm beginning to realize that's not my first objective here.

This brings me back to the alfredo. When I was shopping for the ingredients, I allowed myself to get intimidated by the fact that alfredo was something I'd never made before, and fell into the idea that I wouldn't be able to do it - which is ridiculous in retrospect, because the recipe was so simple. After making it, I kept talking about how surprised I was at the ease with which I cooked it, and all Brian did was kindly say 'I told you so', although not in so many words. He's very good at seeing through my fear and insecurities, and is always far more aware of my potential than I am. It's a good thing I have an outside source to remind me that, hey, I am good at something more than being crazy.

So, after all that, what I started out wanting to tell you was this: the sauce ended up tasting great, and was incredibly easy to make. The recipe was as follows:

- 1/2 c butter
- 2 garlic cloves, minced
- 2 c heavy cream
- 1/4 tsp white pepper
- 1/2 c grated Parmesan
- 3/4 c mozzarella

Melt butter in a saucepan and saute the garlic for 30 seconds or so, over medium/low heat. Add the cream and white pepper, then bring mixture to a simmer. Add the Parmesan and let simmer for 8 to 10 minutes, until the sauce thickens and is smooth. Then, add the mozzarella and stir often, until smooth again.

I served the sauce with some cajun sauteed shrimp and fettuccine. The combination of the spices and the creamy, smooth taste of the sauce was very, very good. I'm sucker for garlic bread, and for the next few days I nibbled constantly on bread dipped in the leftover sauce. I would recommend reheating it over the stove, though - the microwaving process caused a lot of the butter to separate.

I have made one real meal in the new kitchen, an inaugural of sorts: the chicken milano. But that was a special meal, and deserves its own post. Be back soon.